So it's been a wild few months, what with the outbreak of COVID-19, the huge crash of the stock market in response, and the general nastiness that is our life on this miserable rock. Naturally I've been doing fine, since my general social anxiety means I have lots of experience staying inside, where it has often seemed that people prefer I be anyways. I've read, I've written, and I've gamed a whole bunch. I've also put my persistent job search on hold because I live with a vulnerable relative whose generosity is the sole reason I'm not ponying up seventy to eighty percent of my earnings to some vile little landlord. And you know what?
I'm mad. I'm mad that I was promised a shining, brilliant future by media as a child, only to grow up into a world literally poised on the brink of annihilation. I'm mad that I was told that adults were, by and large, responsible people, only to discover that they were mostly just overgrown children with even more baggage than their, well, children. I'm mad that I have to live in a world where some people have the gall to think it's acceptable to treat others like trash because they don't fit into their vision of how society should be. I'm mad about a lot of things, and if I tried to list them all off, we'd been here forever. So for now, I'll just analyze one bit of why I'm mad, and narrow my rant down to one subject. Yes, it's time to talk about boomers. Now, in truth, it's hard to write this article, given how much of our modern political vernacular has been scrambled by maliciously misapplied terminology and the general lack of understanding by all concerned regarding the finer points of theory, both economic and political. But I'm going to write it anyway because I might as well add my voice to the clamor. Who knows; something might get through. So, what do I mean when I say boomers? Well, for starters, I definitely don't mean people born during the post WWII baby boom. That would include my parents, and I have too much respect for them to lump them into with the group I'm trying to discuss (though that doesn't mean they haven't expressed similar views now and then). As with all things, the era of your nascence does not automatically make you a money-grubbing, self-obsessed, ill-adjusted and short-sighted sociopath (though it does raise the odds). No, I do not, as a millennial, blame Boomers (with a capital 'B' to denote its official status) for our current situation. I used to, of course, but my thinking developed nuance with time, which is more than I can say for actual boomers. To me boomers (little 'b', just like the level of thinking involved on their part) are small-minded, selfish and short-sighted people. They are the Ayn Rand fans, the Jordan Peterson devotees; the mindless consumers who think of nothing but themselves. In their mind, the rich are rich because they earned every penny, and if you can't be like them, then you have only yourself to blame. Any form of criticism of the system is 'whining', and anything new, regardless of actual pros and cons, is to be feared, shunned and ridiculed. They cling to antiquated gender norms (Seriously, if you don't know what to call someone, just ask politely!), and smear their inheritors despite having raised them and additionally ruined their inheritance in the process. They are the adherents of Reaganism, of hyper-individuality and are the adversaries of change. They sneer at college graduates despite having paid for those same people's degrees and fallen for the scam trade agreements that allowed manufacturing to scurry away to China. They oppose any kind of housing reforms or social benefits, then complain tirelessly about the homeless, sick and disenfranchised who fill the streets as a result. There is no bottom to the hypocrisy they levy against anyone with ideas they deem different, and now that we are facing the cost of their double-think, their veneer of pride and self-control (which was really all it was ever about) has largely slipped. Many of the biggest boomers I know are the most hypochondriacal and prone to believing conspiracy theories about the current crisis. They spent years teaching their kids to save, then made a world where the news screams at them and belittles them for not spending enough, and voted for people who would gut those same savings with shoddy financial policy. In fact, that's what really gets me. For every action they took to raise their children up, they took three to tear them down. Not good enough; too little, too late; 'Why can't you be more like-?'. These are the mantras of the boomer parent. And then, when their children have stumbled out of the abusive, backwards institutions that they have helped to tear down even as they raised themselves up, they mock and belittle the twisted shapes they have made of their own children. It wouldn't even have been quite so bad if they were supportive afterwards. But more often than not, the 'tough love' they espoused was never about building character. It was about control. And now they feel their control slipping, so they are pulling every lever and mashing every button that they can to burn things down and break the spirit of those they know will replace them. Do I envy Boomers? Yes. They lived in the best period of recent history, despite what they might claim. They could walk into a business and get a job without a degree. But it's not Boomers who turned the world into a place where even with a Masters, the best you could expect was to be making pizzas 9 to 5 (setting aside overtime, and assuming you're allowed to work full shifts without holding down a second job). No, that crime lies at the hands of the boomers; the misers, the liars, the thieves and the schemers. To you I have only this to say: "You promised me a future. Then you took it away. So I swear that from now until the end of my days, I will live to spite you. I will build bridges where you have tried to build walls. I will generous where you were selfish. I will think for myself, where you ran and hid beneath a blanket of lies. And I will clean up your mess, because after all... ...after all. you're only human."
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As a quick heads-up, this particular review is an experimental return to the less formal review formats of my past. I'm trying to do away with the excessively formulaic style in favor of something a little more friendly, but still easy to follow. Since the release of Portal, Valve's magnum opus of first-person puzzle gaming, plenty of other games have come out to mimic it in ways large and small. Q.U.B.E. is one of those pretenders to the throne. It is to Portal what games like the original Shadow Warrior and Duke Nukem were to Doom. Granted, it borrows Portal's aesthetic more than its mechanics, but the general shape of the two games is quite similar, right down to the twist at the end, which involves the player potentially being baked alive (although in Q.U.B.E., there is no cake). That's not to say it's a bad game; it does a decent enough job with the tools it has to hand. However, I'm not ashamed to say I was surprised to discover while writing this review that a sequel managed to happen (which you can find here). The original, while well-designed, never grabbed me in a way that some other puzzle games have, and so I suppose I just assumed that unless the game had achieved some cult status I was unaware of, I would likely stop thinking or hearing about it the moment I put it down. All things aside, if you really want to try the game for yourself, it's available on Steam at a reasonable $9.99. If you want to know a little more before diving in though, read on. I can't guarantee it'll interest you, but I'll do my best to be honest. So what makes Q.U.B.E.: Director's Cut different from the original? Well, it's the inclusion of a deeper story, where the original had you simply solving puzzles in a strange space made of identical blocks with no explanation whatsoever (and a mysterious outer-space flyby ending that raised more questions than it answered). What does Q.U.B.E. even mean, you might ask? It stands for Quick Understanding of Block Extrusion, though it's never mentioned in the campaign. That doesn't matter though; indeed, very little seems like it does. As previously-stated, the game tries to copy a lot of Portal's mystique with its sterile, minimalist environment and air of mystery. However, what it lacks is the hidden areas and Easter-egg spots that might add an element of insecurity and suspicion to the otherwise spotless environment. Suffice to say, the plot, which centers around two potentially unreliable narrators each providing a different explanation for your presence in this square-shaped hell, is rather lackluster. It doesn't help that as a Director's Cut, this newer version of the game didn't really differ in any meaningful way from the original, apart from the added voice acting. By the time you reach the end, it's clear to anyone who's been paying attention who is telling the truth and who is frothing at the mouth. It's dull and uninspired compared to the bizarre mystery of the original, where no explanation was given and the player was allowed to speculate. This is arguably a case of negative space being filled where it didn't need to be. But then I suppose they felt they needed more grounding for the sequel than "The cube was in orbit around Earth all along!", once it became clear they were going to make one. Setting aside all that however, the game itself is quite fun, if you're a puzzle aficionado. It does a good job of pacing itself (mostly), and the only real hiccups in difficulty come near the end, where a block-shifting puzzle involving wind tunnels pops up with very little warning or prior explanation of the mechanics involved. Overall, while there were very few elements to work with in terms of puzzle-crafting, the developers did a good enough job to squeeze four or five hours out of what they had. Sadly, replay value is minimal, since there's no variation and a lot of the puzzles themselves (if not all) only have one solution, so there's no real point in exploring further after you beat it. The music is soft and contemplative for the most part, though none of it is memorable (as is the case with most puzzle-game soundtracks I've found), but that's of no consequence, since the point is to be white noise mostly while you mull over your next moves. In addition, while the story itself is quite dull, the voice acting itself is very good, and does a lot to sell the plot, even if it isn't the most inspired. Its clear the makers wanted to put some real effort into building their universe, though I would again argue that in a game with such a reserved art style, the lack of clear-cut explanations would've helped more than it might've hindered. Final Verdict So, would I recommend this game? I would have to say yes, with some caveats. If you really want some fresh physics puzzles, then by all means, knock yourself out. Ignore the story, focus on the gameplay, enjoy the ah-ha! moments it brings you, and you'll have a ball. But if you're seeking something longer and more narrative-driven, push this down on your wish-list. It's a one-hit wonder without much wonder, and there are better, wilder puzzles out there to explore. Final Score: 7.1/10
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